Find Emotional Freedom from Sexual Aversion Disorder. Help for Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages
Do any of these statements mean anything to you?
I find the thought of sexual contact repulsive.
I get panicky and upset as it comes near to the sex act.
I am confused because actually I enjoy masturbation.
This is having a very negative effect on my life.
I avoid intimacy and penetration of all types.
I feel physically sick when I am expected to 'perform'.
I get embarrassed/ashamed and I push people away, including my partner.
First of all, please understand Sexual Aversion Disorder (SAD) is a very treatable sexual dysfunction. Most of the people I speak to about this problem have NO history of sexual abuse, either prolonged or a one off, such as a rape. So what is going on here?
Something has happened that has brought you to the conclusion that you hate sex, or penetration, or have an erectile dysfunction, or an inability to reach orgasm during penetrative sex. But what? What could be this powerful? There is NO reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed about these feelings, but if you want to do something about the condition, then you may need to address any emotional aspect that is preventing you from recovery, and being ashamed or embarrassed may well play a part here.
Family, friends and ex-partners can have a huge impact on our sexual development as we grow up. In many families, especially of the older generations, parents wore black, demonstrated little or no emotion in public, showed each other little or no affection in front of the children, and any discussion around bodily functions or sexuality were frowned upon, or crushed with an iron fist. Fathers and grandparents who went to war came back as broken men, mothers fought their own wars at home, while bringing up children, which made these people as hard as nails, physically and emotionally. Any display of emotion was a sign of weakness; the language of the day was 'put up or shut up'. To fall out of social grace was the end for any family, and so the doors were firmly closed on scandal or other 'issues'. And I'll bet that anyone reading this who knows exactly what I'm talking about here, or experienced the same in their childhood, just skipped a heart beat or two!!
If you had experiences that shamed you, or caused your family shame, you were made to feel the wrath of those around you that had managed not to get caught. But the legacy of those experiences, can leave you without trust, without feeling, ashamed of your body, ashamed of enjoying yourself, ashamed of allowing your bodily functions to express themselves. In short, your human needs take second place, when in reality, your human needs are your number one priority to making you happy, fulfilled, joyful, successful and significant, to yourself and those around you.
Much is known about the overlap between Sexual Aversion Disorder and panic attacks, anxiety, phobia and depression. It is clear that for whatever reason, the need and the act of avoidance of all, or almost all, genital sexual contact with a sexual partner, causes significant distress, or interpersonal difficulty, to the individual suffering with this issue.
Within the diagnosis of sexual aversion disorder are many criteria that create a specific degree of aversion. For example, for some the aversion is total. Total means a sexual aversion to all erotic sensations, both mental and physical, as well as feelings, thoughts or opportunities that lead up to any kind of sexual contact. Situational aversion is limited to a specific aspect of any sexual act.
In situational sexual aversion, you may be fine during the cuddle stage, the kissing stage, the touching stage, or the oral stage, but completely freak out and panic at the point of penetration, or orgasm. Of course, any of these stages may be your limit, but ordinarily individuals with situational sexual aversion can enjoy many aspects of sexual activity, or contact, provided the object of the phobic stimulus can be avoided.
Why does sexual aversion disorder seem to go on so long, sometimes for years and years?
You're right! It's not unusual in my practice to come across couples that have not had any kind of sexual contact for 10, 15 or even 20 years. If you regard sex aversion as a phobic response, then unlike other phobias, it is possible to avoid the phobic stimulus for many years without any impact on the individual's life, in any kind of physical sense. Mental impact may be something else, as we are hard-wired to procreate, but physically, there is nothing to show.
SAD may be driven by rejection sensitivity, an overreaction to criticism, or by learned behaviour. It is not uncommon to hear of sufferers engaging in all kinds of deviant sexual activity in order to create a bodily response. Just to do something that their brain and privates will respond too. Of course, this rarely works, and the sufferer is almost forced to seek out new and stronger activity to even, say, get an erection. This may involve activity with several, or frequent changes of partners of the opposite sex, or even experimentation with the same sex.
It may be then that the trouble starts, and help is sought, or the fear of engaging in those activities next is driving you to seek help. Don't allow your sexual panic, abhorrence and disgust ruin your marriage or relationship. If you are in a long term relationship, perhaps your partner deserves to be given first chance at the new you. Afterall, they've stood by you all this time. Now it's time to show them the real you behind the mask you've been wearing. The email link is below, why not use it now?