Find Emotional Freedom from Self Sabotage. Skype Video Online Counselling for Self Sabotage
How does self sabotage show up in YOUR life?
Self sabotage affects my self confidence
Self sabotage makes me feel overwhelmed
Self sabotage stops me reaching my potential
Self sabotage doesn't allow me to stick my neck out
Self sabotage makes me hold back
Self sabotage causes me to cut myself off
Self sabotage means I never put my hand up
Self sabotage keep me in a negative place
Self sabotage drives my anxiety and stress
Self sabotage makes me over analyze everything
Self sabotage means I procrastinate like mad
Self sabotage stops me from becoming the person I want to be
People only see a small part of us, the bit that we choose to show the world. Rather like an iceberg, where only 10% or so sticks out of the water. What goes on below the water line remains hidden. And the same with us too, most of what we do, feel, think and say (to ourselves) stays well out of reach of anyone else.
If you think of the 90% below the waterline, the bit we have hidden, this represents our subconscious. This is where most of the self sabotage occurs. In this area we keep programs and scripts, or rules, fragments of code that we run our lives by. Lots of these programs and code fragments were written when you were young, and they would have been added to by all sorts of people;
your parents, grandparents, teachers, friends, TV, computer game compilers, brothers, sisters, in fact, anyone you came into contact with are effectively 'writing on your wall'. And it is to here that you turn when looking for experiences of how to deal with things that crop up now.
These little programs run and cause you to behave in a certain way, for any given set of circumstances. Your experience in the past confirms the validity of the program and so you just keep running it over and over again, whenever the same set of circumstances presents itself. It's a form of survival mechanism, that keeps you from harming yourself.
So essentially the programs are good, they mean you no harm, they are trying to protect you. But what happens when a program dominates your thinking. All behaviour creates a need to pattern match the past. This is what boots up the program. It may not be the exact one you need right now, but it regards itself as close enough to do the job for you. So it runs in the background. This is where you get your self sabotage from.
With the program, which was written from an original experience and now wants to project itself onto every other experience, whether the same experience or not, means the program is running a system of LIMITING BELIEFS. That's all the program is, a set of limiting beliefs. What that means is, not matter how much you DON'T want that program, those ideas, to be presented to you, those images, those conversations and outcomes will be there just the same.
So what must I do?
The simple answer is to re-write the program! The difficulty comes in the details.
Essentially it involves seeing yourself in a different light. Understanding, with conviction, what you want, and who you want to be. Loving, kind, confident, outgoing, assertive, courageous, strong? Take time to see yourself as that person, acting how you want to be, dressing in the way that new person dresses, thinking like that new person. Use EFT to first find out why you can't, and then use EFT to change the programming. Take time out, see yourself as this new person that you want to become, and then make it happen.
Your subconscious cannot tell the difference between real behaviour and imagined behaviour, between fact and fantasy. To your mind, it is experience. As you see yourself as this new person, visualize yourself in real situations, with new experiences, new conversations, new locations, your subconscious starts to record the experience. Your conscious mind CAN tell the difference between fact and fantasy, and so if you start then acting that way for real, your subconscious starts to access these new programs, satisfying and reinforcing this new belief about yourself.
How long does this take and what is stopping the old habits from returning?
The new programs start to cut in after you have written them, maybe after days, weeks, or a month or two. It depends mainly on how explicit you were in the visualization process, and how convincing you were. Visualization is a safe environment in which to practice, because you can always win. If you practice being more assertive at work, then keep practicing until you see yourself as the victor.
You can't practice these things in real life early on, because your old thinking patterns return, and you may be beaten down. You feel stressed, you can't think straight, your words won't flow, your mind goes blank, you don't know what to say. The old program keeps you stuck in the behaviour of being timid. But once your visualizations have given you this new courage and a new set of programs, you can enter the same situation and know you will have lots more time to think, your mind is not racing to find the right words, you are in charge of your own posture, intention, behaviour and oozing with confidence.
Exploring your reasons for self sabotage will give you some new insights into what is possible for you.
If you can relate to any of this and you have frequent bouts of self sabotage, then please use the email address below.