Find Emotional Freedom from Self Hatred. Skype Video Online Counselling and Therapy for Self Loathing
Why is it that for many of us, it is far, far easier to say, "I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself", than it is to say, "I like myself. I like myself. I like myself"?
One feels 'right' to say, and one feels 'wrong'. Can we really see more reasons to hate ourselves, than to like ourselves? Perhaps if you've found this page, then maybe you can relate to the question. How much of this, do you think, is born of depression? How much depression comes from our inability to see the good in ourselves, but to dwell mainly on the bad, the negative, the inward and downward?
It's easy to tear something down, including ourselves. To break something all you need do is neglect it, ignore it, purposefully destroy it, or turn your back on it, sometimes for a very short time. Very little thought need be involved, and even less effort. We're not just talking about apples and pears here, left to rot in a bowl and then disgarded. Were talking about your own wellfare, your own health, your own sanity.
But what does it take to 'like yourself'? To build yourself up, takes courage. It takes desire, energy, determination, committment, money, a strategy, the will to overcome, and more and more and more. Is that what you've always thought? Is that what you've always been told? Scary isn't it? Well, it's not true! You don't need to build a pyramid to feel good about yourself. How you feel about yourself has to do with belief. What do you believe? If one of your beliefs is that everyone is against you, then you will look for evidence to make that true.
Here are some of the negative things I hear quite regularly in therapy
I hate myself and itís ruining my relationships and my life.
I hate myself because I am stupid.
I feel fat and ugly, and I hate myself because I seem unable to do anything about it.
I hate everything about me.
I hate my physical appearance.
I hate myself because I can't stop crying.
I hate the fact that my grades are rubbish and I don't care anymore.
I hate looking in a mirror.
I hate myself because I'm not perfect.
I hate how my clothes look on me.
I hate it that I can't trust anyone, and that everyone betrays me in the end.
All of these statements demonstrate an underlying desire for change. But, how many of these statements mean you are setting yourself up for failure? Yes, all of them, ALL OF THEM! By setting an impossible challenge; a set of ideal circumstances or situations that have to be fulfilled before you can be happy; means that you will never be happy with yourself. You will become exhausted trying to be something that you cannot, and exhaustion is a guarantee of failure.
How will talking to you about my problem, raking over the past, solve anything or help me?
Good question. Well, firstly, you've heard the old saying, a problem shared is a problem halved. Is it that? Or is it a problem spread? I don't know, but talking therapy has shown itself to be useful worldwide in millions and millions of hours of use. So don't knock it 'till you've tried it.
I tend not to rake over the past. The past has been, and gone; you can't change it, you just have to live with it. And that's the issue, isn't it? How do I live with whatever it was that screwed me up in the first place? What could have been bad enough that I now hate myself for it? Am I confusing sadness over this issue with hatred of it? These two are so often confused. Feeling hatred about feeling sad often means that hatred replaces sadness. Both are pointing inward at the self. And that's how the depression sets in; by constantly looking inwards instead of outwards. We look inwards towards our problems, instead of outwards to find a solution.
For my own particular flavour, I take the view that we all have certain human needs (some call them Human Givens) that need to be in place, before we can be happy. These things help to bring us fulfillment, satisfaction, security, significance and love. When one or more of these are missing, we tend to stress over the loss and look for them as if they're something we must pick up from the supermarket, when in reality, they are qualities we make ourselves. Perhaps hating the self is a symptom of losing connection to our human givens.
Why can't I just pull my socks up and get on with it?
I'm sure you will have heard that, or thought it yourself at one time or other. The second aspect of recovery from this 'I hate myself' belief has to do with looking at where these beliefs may have come from. Some call this 'inner child' work, but essentially it is really helpful to perhaps just ask the younger you for their take on what is happening now. You'll be amazed at the answers you can get, just by asking the right questions.
If you feel this is something you could benefit from and feel that a Skype session or two could help you, please email me below. I look forward to talking to you on Skype in the near future.